One Car That Needs To Die... And Nine On Death Row

TinmanMS6 · 09-02-2009, 10:07 PM

Many cars have been killed because of the Carpocalypse. But we don't think the bloodbath should be over. With the help of Jalopnik readers we've identified nine on death row and one that should be read its last rights.

Click "next" to go through our list of ten cars potentially deserving of capital punishment. We've also included ways that they can maybe secure a pardon from the governor. Of course, one of these cars is just unpardonable.

Car: Chevy Impala

Why It's On Death Row: In trim levels lower than "SS", the Chevy Impala is but a shadow of its previous self, fit only for duty as a municipal service vehicle. It's one of GM's most revered nameplates on one of GM's most out-of-date cars.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: We've always loved the idea of the Impala and it would be a shame to waste all the positive energy around the name. Perhaps our dreams of a G8-based Impala will not come to life, but in the next round of platforms we hope something is waiting to underpin a truly awesome, RWD Impala.

Car: PT Cruiser

Why It's On Death Row: The PT Cruiser has been around for almost a full decade with only minor changes. As cool as the idea of a retro American car was at the turn of the millennium, it's no longer that cool. It was a hit, and now it just wont go away. It reminds us of the time we heard the band Wang Chung at an Earth Day concert. They were a one-hit-wonder and, rather than trying to expand, they just played various versions of "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight." It was sad.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: Retro isn't always bad. If only there were a small Italian car Chrysler could somehow bring over to fill the cool-cute-compact hole in their lineup...

Car: Chevy HHR

Why It's On Death Row: Much like the PT Cruiser, the HHR was an idea that was probably only going to work once. The high belt-line, aggressive flares and tiny windows scream old GM.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: The Ford Transit Connect has filled an empty niche in the U.S. commercial market and, we believe, there will be some non-commercial sales soon enough. Take the awesome little Ecotec engine and small platform and try making a truly American high-roof wagon.

Car: Toyota Venza

Why It's On Death Row: The only thing the new Toyota Venza has truly succeeded in doing is forcing Honda to make an even uglier competitor. There are numerous vehicles in the Toyota lineup offering similar utility, size, and power. Why another one?

How It Could Get A Reprieve: People love their Toyotas and, it's somehow some people out there seem to love the Camry-wagon Venza. But rather than make a more aggressive, larger Camry, why not make a lighter and sleeker version? What a statement that would make.

Car: Mitsubishi Galant

Why It's On Death Row: We once enjoyed the Galant, especially in VR-4 trim, a delightfully buzzy and sporty sedan to counteract less enticing alternatives. The Galant does none of that now. It's not particularly fast, sporty, or attractive. The interior is awful and the options are laughable.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: The Mitsubishi PS platform is no longer competitive, especially underpinning a sedan. But hey, a new platform with a bit of the edge back and a Raillart version could go along way.

Car: Lexus ES

Why It's On Death Row: You may wonder what a successful car like the Lexus ES is doing on this list, but hear us out. Toyota's CEO has recently said the company has stopped making exciting cars and it's something he would like to change. Most of the Lexus lineup is as good or better than most of its competitors. The ES is merely a rebadged Camry put there to bring in buyers that wouldn't be able to afford a Lexus otherwise.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: Why not build something exciting, with value to bring more buyers into the lineup? Less AARP more RPM? The HS was a start and the next generation ES could end up more like the LF-Ch concept? It's probably too profitable to ever happen, but we can hope.

Car: Mitsubishi Raider

Why It's On Death Row: Take a drink for every Mitsubishi Raider you've seen on the road. Congrats, you're still sober. Mitsubishi has never been the best choice for a small truck in the U.S. and the Raider, which shares its platform with Dodge, is no exception.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: Why not a Lancer-based El Camino sport truck? Just because Pontiac backed out doesn't mean you can't. You had the balls to build a sporty wagon, show us up again and build a sport truck!

Car: Chevy Aveo

Why It's On Death Row: When Americans looked for small cars as gas prices rose America stepped up with what it had: a Korean car. It's small, crappy, and there are bigger cars that return better mileage. It's the best argument Chevy has for being used.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: We're not sure there are a lot of people waiting for the next-generation Aveo, but GM seems to have a few ideas for a small compact car. We sort of doubt it'll carry the same name.

Car: Maybach 57 and 62

Why It's On Death Row: This is a car we'd typically like but the Maybach is maybe the most expensive parts-binner ever. The 57 and 62 is just old Mercedes with lots of hype. It was cool for about two minutes and then everyone realized how much Bentley they could have for the money and moved on. It costs more than $358K to get into the door and the price jumps by leaps and bounds for all the status symbols you're going to want with it (goatcheese dispenser, anyone?). It's also very dated in terms of styling. Give us a BRABUS S-Class over this any day.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: If you're going to continue to charge insane rates upgrade the appearance, up the power so it'll go 200 MPH and get Jay Z to buy one.

Car: Chrysler Sebring

Why It's On Death Row: The American car you'd swear was built in China. It's as if Chrysler had some sort of Major League strategy to destroy the company and move it to Italy and they needed a truly bad car to cause them to go bankrupt. There's nothing we like about it. There are no redeeming qualities in how it drives, looks, sounds, feels, or sells.

How It Could Get A Reprieve: No reprieve. No mercy. The best we can offer is a quick death. Which is better than the pain Chrysler caused us in bringing this horseshit abortion of a mid-size sedan to market.

mountjonas · 09-02-2009, 10:08 PM

quick! edit before the natives get their panties in a bunch!

Metallic36 · 09-02-2009, 10:11 PM

Where's the NEXT button?!?

TinmanMS6 · 09-02-2009, 11:21 PM

PT, Galant, ES, Raider, Maybachs, and the Sebring here. Thinking about it, I'd rather just see a full redesign of the PT, but nobody's cared about any of these in a loooooong time.

Saskatchewan17 · 09-02-2009, 11:47 PM

Had to vote for the ES just because I hate it soooo much. Its a friggen rebadged camry. Which is pretty much the most boring car on the road today! There's just no point to this car. It totally detaches you from the job of driving. It is the anti sports-car. No feel of the road and has so many driving aids and safety features that it could probably drive itself with ease. It's not a car... it's just a transportation box that carries you around in a coma-like state. I hate hate hate hate HATE! current lexus and toyota models.

soccom2005 · 09-03-2009, 01:03 AM

dude... why is the ES here... i know its a rebadged camry but cmon, have you ridden in one, one of the most comfortable cars in its class and wow at the interior... just cuz its not sporty and makes you sleep, doesnt mean it sucks... what about the passengers who likes riding on clouds... i also like the impala cuz its a safe design, but everything can be axed

seanmcsean · 09-03-2009, 05:43 AM

I'm going with the PT.. They just aren't good cars.

The sebring you could probably salvage if you threw the existing one out the window and started from scratch.

Knox Joe · 09-03-2009, 06:29 AM

Only ones to save IMO are the Venza, Impala (for po-po of course), and the Lexus. Though I am not too keen on FWD Lexuses, I would think it is a good seller to older women.

boostdog · 09-03-2009, 07:08 AM

keeo the lexux scrap the rest. the es is a good selling car, boring or not, it's not going anywhere soon.

StealthWyvern · 09-03-2009, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seanmcsean

I'm going with the PT.. They just aren't good cars.

The drive train in the turbo pts are built like tanks... forged from teh factory! They are pretty much an SRT4 for the most part... same engine with the exception of intake mani and little bits here and there. The standard trans are built pretty good as well. I haven't heard of anyone having issues with their pts! They are fugly little cars but they look better then the HHR imo.

seanmcsean · 09-03-2009, 07:48 AM

I've heard of lots of problems, even with the drivetrain. The PT's also handle like a shopping cart with a broken wheel.

skylar2ups · 09-03-2009, 10:26 AM

I had a 2003 Turbo PT and I liked the car, a lot. At the time I was living in Ohio and it drove well in the snow. It was "lowered" in the front and I would catch snow in the grill... it did have lots of problems but I still liked it.

My friend has an Aveo I don't know what year it is but it's newer. I like it, it has the fake leather in it but the car doesn't feel cheap at all, it drives pretty well too. I don't see why thats on the list.

And there is no need to save the Impala for cops... most still use Fords and even if they got rid of them they would still make these type of cars for cops, taxis and so on...

mikeyb · 09-03-2009, 10:30 AM

I thought the PT has been canceled and the Mitsubishi Raider was put out the pasture. I looked on Mitsu's website and you can no longer built a Raider. The Chevy Impala really should have been replaced by the G8.

TinmanMS6 · 09-03-2009, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikeyb

I thought the PT has been canceled and the Mitsubishi Raider was put out the pasture. I looked on Mitsu's website and you can no longer built a Raider. The Chevy Impala really should have been replaced by the G8.

The PT convertible got killed and the regular one was supposed to be as well, but Fiat recently decided that since it basically cost them nothing and gave them a cheap car to sell, they'd keep it going a little longer.

Yeah, I think the Raider's already dead.

Knox Joe · 09-03-2009, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikeyb

The Chevy Impala really should have been replaced by the G8.

+1

That's what I was hoping for. Then we could get the GXP as an SS model.

09-02-2009, 10:07 PM	#1
TinmanMS6 Now, with more Zoom Zoom! Auto News Mod/Contributor Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 5,894	One Car That Needs To Die... And Nine On Death Row Many cars have been killed because of the Carpocalypse. But we don't think the bloodbath should be over. With the help of Jalopnik readers we've identified nine on death row and one that should be read its last rights. Click "next" to go through our list of ten cars potentially deserving of capital punishment. We've also included ways that they can maybe secure a pardon from the governor. Of course, one of these cars is just unpardonable. Car: Chevy Impala Why It's On Death Row: In trim levels lower than "SS", the Chevy Impala is but a shadow of its previous self, fit only for duty as a municipal service vehicle. It's one of GM's most revered nameplates on one of GM's most out-of-date cars. How It Could Get A Reprieve: We've always loved the idea of the Impala and it would be a shame to waste all the positive energy around the name. Perhaps our dreams of a G8-based Impala will not come to life, but in the next round of platforms we hope something is waiting to underpin a truly awesome, RWD Impala. Car: PT Cruiser Why It's On Death Row: The PT Cruiser has been around for almost a full decade with only minor changes. As cool as the idea of a retro American car was at the turn of the millennium, it's no longer that cool. It was a hit, and now it just wont go away. It reminds us of the time we heard the band Wang Chung at an Earth Day concert. They were a one-hit-wonder and, rather than trying to expand, they just played various versions of "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight." It was sad. How It Could Get A Reprieve: Retro isn't always bad. If only there were a small Italian car Chrysler could somehow bring over to fill the cool-cute-compact hole in their lineup... Car: Chevy HHR Why It's On Death Row: Much like the PT Cruiser, the HHR was an idea that was probably only going to work once. The high belt-line, aggressive flares and tiny windows scream old GM. How It Could Get A Reprieve: The Ford Transit Connect has filled an empty niche in the U.S. commercial market and, we believe, there will be some non-commercial sales soon enough. Take the awesome little Ecotec engine and small platform and try making a truly American high-roof wagon. Car: Toyota Venza Why It's On Death Row: The only thing the new Toyota Venza has truly succeeded in doing is forcing Honda to make an even uglier competitor. There are numerous vehicles in the Toyota lineup offering similar utility, size, and power. Why another one? How It Could Get A Reprieve: People love their Toyotas and, it's somehow some people out there seem to love the Camry-wagon Venza. But rather than make a more aggressive, larger Camry, why not make a lighter and sleeker version? What a statement that would make. Car: Mitsubishi Galant Why It's On Death Row: We once enjoyed the Galant, especially in VR-4 trim, a delightfully buzzy and sporty sedan to counteract less enticing alternatives. The Galant does none of that now. It's not particularly fast, sporty, or attractive. The interior is awful and the options are laughable. How It Could Get A Reprieve: The Mitsubishi PS platform is no longer competitive, especially underpinning a sedan. But hey, a new platform with a bit of the edge back and a Raillart version could go along way. Car: Lexus ES Why It's On Death Row: You may wonder what a successful car like the Lexus ES is doing on this list, but hear us out. Toyota's CEO has recently said the company has stopped making exciting cars and it's something he would like to change. Most of the Lexus lineup is as good or better than most of its competitors. The ES is merely a rebadged Camry put there to bring in buyers that wouldn't be able to afford a Lexus otherwise. How It Could Get A Reprieve: Why not build something exciting, with value to bring more buyers into the lineup? Less AARP more RPM? The HS was a start and the next generation ES could end up more like the LF-Ch concept? It's probably too profitable to ever happen, but we can hope. Car: Mitsubishi Raider Why It's On Death Row: Take a drink for every Mitsubishi Raider you've seen on the road. Congrats, you're still sober. Mitsubishi has never been the best choice for a small truck in the U.S. and the Raider, which shares its platform with Dodge, is no exception. How It Could Get A Reprieve: Why not a Lancer-based El Camino sport truck? Just because Pontiac backed out doesn't mean you can't. You had the balls to build a sporty wagon, show us up again and build a sport truck! Car: Chevy Aveo Why It's On Death Row: When Americans looked for small cars as gas prices rose America stepped up with what it had: a Korean car. It's small, crappy, and there are bigger cars that return better mileage. It's the best argument Chevy has for being used. How It Could Get A Reprieve: We're not sure there are a lot of people waiting for the next-generation Aveo, but GM seems to have a few ideas for a small compact car. We sort of doubt it'll carry the same name. Car: Maybach 57 and 62 Why It's On Death Row: This is a car we'd typically like but the Maybach is maybe the most expensive parts-binner ever. The 57 and 62 is just old Mercedes with lots of hype. It was cool for about two minutes and then everyone realized how much Bentley they could have for the money and moved on. It costs more than $358K to get into the door and the price jumps by leaps and bounds for all the status symbols you're going to want with it (goatcheese dispenser, anyone?). It's also very dated in terms of styling. Give us a BRABUS S-Class over this any day. How It Could Get A Reprieve: If you're going to continue to charge insane rates upgrade the appearance, up the power so it'll go 200 MPH and get Jay Z to buy one. Car: Chrysler Sebring Why It's On Death Row: The American car you'd swear was built in China. It's as if Chrysler had some sort of Major League strategy to destroy the company and move it to Italy and they needed a truly bad car to cause them to go bankrupt. There's nothing we like about it. There are no redeeming qualities in how it drives, looks, sounds, feels, or sells. How It Could Get A Reprieve: No reprieve. No mercy. The best we can offer is a quick death. Which is better than the pain Chrysler caused us in bringing this horseshit abortion of a mid-size sedan to market. __________________ 2009 Subaru Forester 1992 Mazda Miata Last edited by TinmanMS6; 09-02-2009 at 10:19 PM.

09-02-2009, 11:21 PM	#4
TinmanMS6 Now, with more Zoom Zoom! Auto News Mod/Contributor Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 5,894	PT, Galant, ES, Raider, Maybachs, and the Sebring here. Thinking about it, I'd rather just see a full redesign of the PT, but nobody's cared about any of these in a loooooong time. __________________ Sigs are visible only in your first post on a page. To change your thread display preferences, click here and enable 'Always Show Signature'.

09-02-2009, 11:47 PM	#5
Saskatchewan17 Dog Mod FTW! MZSPD3.com, MazdaIII.com & Mazda3gen.com Moderator Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Aurora, IL Posts: 3,537	Had to vote for the ES just because I hate it soooo much. Its a friggen rebadged camry. Which is pretty much the most boring car on the road today! There's just no point to this car. It totally detaches you from the job of driving. It is the anti sports-car. No feel of the road and has so many driving aids and safety features that it could probably drive itself with ease. It's not a car... it's just a transportation box that carries you around in a coma-like state. I hate hate hate hate HATE! current lexus and toyota models. __________________

09-03-2009, 01:03 AM	#6
soccom2005 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: GR, MI Posts: 69	dude... why is the ES here... i know its a rebadged camry but cmon, have you ridden in one, one of the most comfortable cars in its class and wow at the interior... just cuz its not sporty and makes you sleep, doesnt mean it sucks... what about the passengers who likes riding on clouds... i also like the impala cuz its a safe design, but everything can be axed __________________

09-03-2009, 05:43 AM	#7
seanmcsean A damn fine gentleman Donated: $15.99 Off Topic & Vendor Reviews Moderator Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Southeastern CT. Home of... Um... Not Much. Posts: 7,138	I'm going with the PT.. They just aren't good cars. The sebring you could probably salvage if you threw the existing one out the window and started from scratch. __________________ All hail our unamused master

View Poll Results: Which of these cars need to be killed?
Chevy Impala	12	27.91%
PT Cruiser	23	53.49%
HHR	20	46.51%
Toyota Venza	6	13.95%
Mitsubishi Galant	11	25.58%
Lexus ES	6	13.95%
Mitsubishi Raider	13	30.23%
Chevy Aveo	11	25.58%
Maybach 57 and 62	10	23.26%
Chrysler Sebring	21	48.84%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll

09-02-2009, 10:08 PM	#2
mountjonas bacon Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: CA Posts: 4,643	quick! edit before the natives get their panties in a bunch!

09-02-2009, 10:11 PM	#3
Metallic36 MSP Chick :) Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Lula, GA Posts: 3,153	Where's the NEXT button?!?

09-03-2009, 06:29 AM	#8
Knox Joe * Driver/Rider For Hire * Donated: $50 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Knoxville, TN Posts: 1,796	Only ones to save IMO are the Venza, Impala (for po-po of course), and the Lexus. Though I am not too keen on FWD Lexuses, I would think it is a good seller to older women. __________________ Mazdas247 Global User Map / Sign Up Here

09-03-2009, 07:08 AM	#9
boostdog Springdale Arkansas Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 552	keeo the lexux scrap the rest. the es is a good selling car, boring or not, it's not going anywhere soon. __________________ Home of Arkansas Subaru Owners Club http://subark.net updated 11/7/08 13.2 @ 101mph cai/tbe/romraider tune updated 4/4/09 10.6 @ 95 mph in 1000ft ( centerville dragway) run here i am the black car http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UX9s_aURC0 12.9 @103mph 12's finally!! 5/29/09

09-03-2009, 07:48 AM	#11
seanmcsean A damn fine gentleman Donated: $15.99 Off Topic & Vendor Reviews Moderator Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Southeastern CT. Home of... Um... Not Much. Posts: 7,138	I've heard of lots of problems, even with the drivetrain. The PT's also handle like a shopping cart with a broken wheel. __________________ Sigs are visible only in your first post on a page. To change your thread display preferences, click here and enable 'Always Show Signature'.

09-03-2009, 10:26 AM	#12
skylar2ups "Vroum-Vroum" Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Orlando, Florida Posts: 1,208	I had a 2003 Turbo PT and I liked the car, a lot. At the time I was living in Ohio and it drove well in the snow. It was "lowered" in the front and I would catch snow in the grill... it did have lots of problems but I still liked it. My friend has an Aveo I don't know what year it is but it's newer. I like it, it has the fake leather in it but the car doesn't feel cheap at all, it drives pretty well too. I don't see why thats on the list. And there is no need to save the Impala for cops... most still use Fords and even if they got rid of them they would still make these type of cars for cops, taxis and so on... __________________ ____________

09-03-2009, 10:30 AM	#13
mikeyb Registered User Donated: $20 Auto News Mod/Contributor Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Raw-chest-ah, nh Posts: 15,039	I thought the PT has been canceled and the Mitsubishi Raider was put out the pasture. I looked on Mitsu's website and you can no longer built a Raider. The Chevy Impala really should have been replaced by the G8. __________________ ____________ Resident BMW and Mini Cooper Expert and Proud Bimmer Owner. "Its Bimmer, not Beamer or Beemer!" 01 BMW 325xi Touring with Premuim Package (OO=[][]=OO)

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